


But You're With Him

by rwleispiach



Category: Outlander & Related Fandoms, Outlander (TV), Outlander Series - Diana Gabaldon
Genre: Eventual Smut, F/M, Love Triangle, Rating Change
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-25
Updated: 2021-01-11
Packaged: 2021-03-08 04:34:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 14,843
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26649886
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rwleispiach/pseuds/rwleispiach
Summary: What if Frank introduced Claire and Jamie.
Relationships: Claire Beauchamp/Frank Randall, Claire Beauchamp/Jamie Fraser
Comments: 175
Kudos: 229





	1. The First Moment

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first fic! I'm so excited to share this with you all. I had got this idea awhile so I already have a couple of chapters written and they just need to be edited. I'm sorry that this first chapter is a little short but the next one will make up for it. 
> 
> Also HUGE THANKS to Sara (@SaraHadid7) and Catrin (@catrinmo1) for your endless support and beta'ing for me! ❤

I was at Leoch with Gillian, Gail, Joe, Louise, and Annalise having a few drinks, after we all made sure our patients were set for the night; which had become our new typical Friday night.  
Leoch was a restaurant bar that was within walking distance of the hospital and all of our apartments so it was very convenient. It was Highland themed and I was pretty sure it was owned by Scots. Just as we were watching the town drunk Laoghaire get kicked out for the umpteenth time, my phone vibrated.

Frank: Hey darling, I have a new client that wants to take us to dinner tomorrow night, are you free?  
Me: Yes, that sounds that great.  
Frank: Great! Are you coming over tonight?  
Me: Yes, I'll be there around 10 pm.

I looked up to find Gillian staring at me smiling,” Are you texting Frank ?”, she said teasingly. She removed her arm from around Louise, who was engaged in her own conversation and moved in closer to me.  
“Yes I am, if it's any of your business.”  
“I’m just happy to see ye wi’ someone who loves ye, it’s been so long since I’ve seen ye this smitten”, she said genuinely.  
Gillian has been my best friend for over ten years. We have been through so much together. I sat next to her when she told her parents she was a lesbian, she stood next to me at my Uncle Lamb’s funeral and helped me clean out his house. She was the only family I had left, chosen, or no. Potentially adding Frank to that family was a big deal and I was happy that I had her approval.  
“How long have you two been together?” I could see her staring at me while I counted the months.  
“It's been about a year and a half.”  
Frank is a historian at the university, but many people tend to find him and ask for help tracing their ancestry, which he takes on outside of his lessons. He often worked with his colleague Reginald Wakefield, who was also a professor at the university. I loved listening to him regurgitate information about his ancestors. He seemed to be at his happiest when he was sharing his knowledge.  
“How’s the sex?”, she said raising her eyebrows.  
“Why do you ask me things like that”, I said blushing slightly. I never ask how the sex is with her and Louise, but maybe that was because they were two of my best friends, even though they both were open books.  
“Come on Claire, ye’ve got to give me something!” she pleaded.  
“Well, I – I’m not talking about this right now at a restaurant,” I said, checking to make sure that no one else was listening. “ If you want to know you come over one night with wine, and we can talk about it.”  
Surprisingly, she agreed.  
***  
That night, I went to Frank’s. I assumed he was already in bed so I let myself in. As not to wake him, I tried to get into bed very gently, but as soon as I lifted the covers he rolled over.  
“Mmmm”, he groaned as I snuggled closer to him.  
“Hi darling, did you have fun?”, he asked half asleep. His eyes weren’t even open.  
“Yes, now go back to sleep”, I said as he kissed my shoulder. I felt bad that I woke him, but he’s woken me many times in the middle of the night for less important matters. I smiled to myself.  
***  
The next night Frank and I were walking to the restaurant and he began telling me about his client. He told me that his name was Jamie Fraser, a true Scot. His family was from the Highlands, which was why Jamie came to him, to find some of the missing people that died at Culloden and to finish a family tree he was working on for his son.  
While in thought, Frank said we were here and I stopped in my tracks.  
“This is it?”, I asked rather confusedly, “This is Leoch, I come here every week!”  
Frank looked at me, matching my confused look, he said,” Well this is it. I didn’t realize they were the same, well maybe you’ve met Jamie then. He’s great, you’re going to love him!”  
We went in and immediately I heard “Claire! Where’s the normal crew?”  
“Hey, Murtagh! This is Frank.” They exchanged pleasantries and we were then joined by a broad-shouldered redhead with a thick Scottish accent.  
He grabbed Murtagh's shoulder, “I hope he hasn’t been giving ye any issues,”, he smirked.  
“This is my girlfriend, Claire,” Frank said that I reached out to grab his large rough, calloused hand and I immediately knew that he was more than just a restaurant owner. His inviting blue eyes were like a lazy river that I wanted to get lost in. They are crisp and gleamed like the sun reflecting off the ocean. After what seemed like a lifetime we let go of each other; I was praying that no one could tell that I was blushing. I don’t know what it was but no one has ever looked at me like that; like he recognized my soul.

  
We finally made it to our table and there was already wine and bread waiting for us on the table. Once the wine started flowing, we all relaxed a bit.  
“So Frank, have ye always wanted to be a historian?” The braw  
“Actually, no. I wanted to be a pilot for a while. I’ve always had a love of history, though, and I guess I was more passionate about it. It’s especially interesting because I was able to trace my family back so far and I would like to help others do that. There is something so intriguing about the way we are all connected in one form or another.”  
He then bragged that I was a surgical intern at the local hospital and said that I would make medical history one day.  
Finally, I interjected, “So Jamie, what are you doing so far from home?”  
“Ah, I moved here about 10 years ago, when I found out I had a son,” he scratched the back of his head somewhat embarrassed. “I dated his mother fer two years and when we broke up she was pregnant and dinna tell me. I dinna normally tell people this, ye ken. I found out about a year later from her sister that I had a son named Willie — she named him after my brother.”  
I wanted to know why the sister told him and not his ex, but I decided not to pry. I stretched my legs out a bit and accidentally brushed his shin; and he quickly flashed me with an alluring glance.  
“What is Willie interested in?”, I asked, clearing my throat nervously.  
“Well right now, he’s verra interested in history. I went to see Frank to get help on the family tree I’m helping Willie with... He also loves to read.”  
“So does Claire; darling, you have to show him the little bookstore you go to.”  
“Yeah, they have a great selection of books, and the owner Mrs. Graham is the sweetest woman. I’m off tomorrow if that works for you. ”  
“It’s a da--a plan.”  
Laughing, Frank excused himself and went to the restroom.  
Not knowing what to say, Jamie and I looked up at the same time. Once again we looked at each other like we’d known each other for our entire lives like our souls recognized each other. I smiled sheepishly, still not breaking eye contact, and he returned it was a smirk that formed at the corner of his mouth.  
In a hushed tone, I asked, “ What are you doing?”  
“What do ye mean, lass? I’m no’ doin’ anything.”  
Frank cleared his throat as he came back from the restroom.  
“What are we talking about?”, he said as he placed a hand on my back.  
Jamie and I looked at each other.  
Somehow he managed, “Uh, I was just asking Claire how a Sassenach like her ended up here.”  
Sassenach, I didn’t know what it meant but I liked the way it sounded when he said it.  
***  
After a few wine and laughter-filled hours, we said our goodbyes to Jamie, and Frank and I walked back to my place since it was closer. I noticed on the way back that Frank was a bit more handsy than usual. When we got back to my apartment he placed his hands on my waist, pulling my back against his chest. Breathing in my scent, he kissed my neck and lazily let his tongue trail down to my shoulder. I let out a sigh as a chill went down my spine. That night we made love, but it was different. He was more possessive than he normally was. He tried to become one with me, to obtain my soul, but my mind kept going to the lazy blue rivers that kept staring back at me. I kept thinking about the way his soul seemed to recognize mine. As soon as he finished, Frank quickly rolled off of me and drifted to sleep and I just lied awake my mind racing. I kept thinking of Jamie, the warmth of hands, and the coy look that he kept giving me.  
I loved Frank and he has been so good to me but- I stopped myself. I remember when Frank and I went on holiday to the highlands and I wanted him to put his book down, so I started jumping on the bed to distract him. He soon joined me and it led to the first of many sexual escapades in Scotland. I smiled to myself – I can’t let a stranger ruin my relationship. So I grabbed Frank's hand and pushed myself closer to him. If I could get as close to Frank as possible and go to sleep maybe Jamie couldn't exist there.  
I dreamt of Jamie.


	2. Dilemma

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for your response to the first chapter! I'm excited for you guys to read this chapter and I hope y'all enjoy it!
> 
> Huge, huge thank you to Brittany (@sbstevenson2) for being a great beta ❤

**Chapter 2: Dilemma**

The next morning I woke up with a note on the pillow next to me. I loved his notes. This one was a sketch of the lines on my hand. The note read _I had an early meeting and then I have a class. I’ll call on my lunch break_ . _I love you, darling - Frank._ His notes always warmed my heart. 

My phone vibrated before I had even put it back down and saw it was from Annaliese. 

**Annaliese:** Hey I saw you last night with a HOT redhead, who was that?

_JESUS H._

**Me:** Oh that was one of Frank's clients, Jamie Fraser, he’s the owner of Leoch.

 **Annaliese:** oh okay, do you think you could get me a date or something?

_NO! Don’t you have a boyfriend? Oh, wait he broke up with her… SHIT!_

**Me:** I make no promises, but I’m supposed to show him around later so I’ll talk to him.

 **Annaliese:** Have I mentioned how much I love you?!

 **Me:** Not lately lol. But you’re welcome. 

Jesus H. Roosevelt fucking Christ. I mean I have no right to be upset that Annaliese wants me to hook her up with Jamie. Jamie is just a friend, I guess.More of an acquaintance, really. But it felt like his soul spoke to mine, I don't know what I was feeling. Again, it doesn't matter because I love Frank. Frank. 

My phone vibrated again. Jamie. I could feel the heat rising from my chest to my ears. 

**Jamie:** Good morning, Sassenach. Do you know when and where ye want to meet for our bookstore adventure today?

My face was starting to hurt from smiling. Get it together, Beauchamp!

 **Me:** Good morning, Jamie. We could meet at my apartment since it’s just down the street from your restaurant. Does 10 work for you? We can go at 11 if that’s better.

_Why am I such a dork?_

**Jamie:** 10 sounds great!

 **Me:** Great! We can stop for coffee at one of my favorite cafes. It’s on the way. 

**Jamie:** Great!

I immediately ran to my closet. I had no idea what I was going to wear. I didn't know why I was freaking out because it was just Jamie, this wasn't a date, and we were just grabbing coffee and going to a bookstore. So I put on a pair of skinny jeans; that made my butt look fantastic, a tank top, an oversized grey cardigan, and black ankle boots. 

Before I knew it, he was downstairs. When I stepped into the lobby, his blue eyes captured mine. Trying not to repeat what happened last night, I smiled, then quickly looked away. 

“Hi, Jamie.”

“Hi, Sassenach.” He let me lead the way by moving out of my way and placing his hand on the small of my back, sending a chill down my spine. 

“What does that mean?” I said, trying to find his eyes.

“Och, it just means an English person.” I tried to hide my smile but he caught me, and I watched a smirk form at the corner of his mouth. His lips looked so soft. _Beauchamp!_

Before we approached the cafe, there was a small antique store with a blue vase in the window, and tears formed in my eyes before I could stop them. 

“Lass, are ye okay?”

“Um, sorry. Yes,” I said sniffling. 

“It’s just that I’ve never lived anywhere long enough to justify having such a simple thing. I want nothing so much in all the world as to have a vase of my very own.”

“Really? What about yer place now?”

“I’ve lived there for almost two years now but this vase is the life I want, I want to make a home for it. I don’t feel like my place is home yet. I traveled a lot as a kid, my parents died when I was five years old, and I went to live with my Uncle Lamb. He was an archaeologist, so we spent a lot of my childhood in ruins and excavation sites.”

Jamie stared at me, mouth slightly agape at this new information. Finally, he spoke, “I’m so sorry about yer parents, Sassenach, ye were such a wee thing, too. I’m sure ye’ll figure out what and where home is soon enough and then you can get that vase. I’m surprised Frank hasna gotten ye one.”

“I never expected him to, I mean he knows how I feel about vases but I guess the thought just never occurred to him.” Feeling this like was far too intimate of a conversation for someone I barely knew, I changed the subject as we made our way to the cafe.

We finally stopped for coffee and croissants, which Jamie loved. He decided that he was going to make this cafe his regular coffee spot now, and I couldn’t help but wonder if I would ever run into him here. 

The walk to the bookstore was nice. He told me more about his family. He has an older sister, Janet, that they call Jenny. She's married to his childhood best friend, Ian, and they have three children. His mother passed away when he and his siblings were young and then his brother, Willie, died when he was just eleven. As he was talking about his family, I could see the sadness wash over his face and I so badly wanted to hug him. 

I suddenly didn’t feel so bad for my admission earlier about the vase, and before I could think about it, I was already grabbing his hand and rubbing his thumb with mine, my other hand on his brawny bicep and my thumb slowly rubbing back and forth. It felt right. _Beauchamp! You have a boyfriend._ I slowly unlaced my fingers and put my hands in my pockets.

When we finally got to the bookstore, I introduced him to Mrs. Graham. Like him, she was a scot and of course, they bonded over that. The store was small and intimate. There were small lounge areas for reading and there were books and records wall to wall. We shopped around for a couple of hours, recommending books to each other and laughing like five-year-olds about sex. After a few more minutes, we both found a few books and left. He walked me back to my apartment, but before he could walk away, I remembered Annaliese. 

“Oh, um, my friend Annaliese saw us at Leoch with Frank, and she wanted to know if you would like to grab a drink with her or something,” I said, staring at the ground. 

“Okay, I guess a drink couldna hurt. Just send me her number?” 

_Just send me her number?_ I don’t know why but my chest tightened at his quick acceptance of another woman’s phone number. He could’ve at least asked more about her before he agreed.

***  
That night Frank, Gillian, and Louise came over for our weekly movie night. We were all snuggled with popcorn and wine. 

I got a text from Jamie and Annaliese. 

**Jamie:** Is it weird if I take her to Leoch for drinks?

_Jesus H!_

**Annaliese:** Thank you so much for setting this up! I owe you one 

I excused myself to the kitchen and told Jamie that Leoch was fine since he didn’t know where it was going with Annaliese and told Annaliese no problem. 

“Is everything alright darling?” Frank asked, and I nearly jumped out of my skin, I felt like I had been caught texting my lover.

“Yes, it’s just Annaliese and Jamie. I gave him her number.”

“You really have taken a liking to him?”

“Yeah, he’s a nice guy and my only guy friend is Joe. Are you okay with it?” After I came back from my bookstore adventure with Jamie, Frank expressed that even though he was the one who suggested I show Jamie my favorite bookstore that in hindsight it seemed more like a date. 

“Ye-yeah, I just saw the way he looked at you at dinner and I just thought - I guess I just thought more of it,” he said, looking through me.

“Frank, you have absolutely nothing to worry about! I love you!” My stomach was in a knot. I felt so bad that Frank was questioning what we had. Not that he was wrong to worry, but I had zero plans to act on whatever feelings I was having.

“Hey save yer private conversations for after we leave!” Gillian shouted from the couch. 

“Relax, don’t get your knickers in a twist,” I exclaimed as we scrunched our faces at each other.

Frank and I sat back down to finish the movie. I was leaning against his chest, and I pulled his arm around me, trying to make him feel as close to me as possible. I wanted to show him how much I loved him, that my friendship with Jamie didn’t mean anything for our relationship, and that I wanted him. 

***

Jamie was everywhere lately, at the hospital to pick up Annaliese, at _my_ café, _my_ bookstore, at _my_ house, but I guess that was my fault because I kept inviting them to go on double dates and I did set them up. For some reason beyond me, I invited Jamie and Annaliese to the beach with me and Frank. We had a nice set up of two large blankets with two umbrellas and a ton of food. We all sat down when we got there, putting on sunscreen and grabbing our chosen activity. I immediately took out my book that Jamie recommended.

I had this overwhelming feeling of happiness because Jamie and Frank were joking around. This was exactly what I wanted—for Frank to feel comfortable with him. I laid down, still smiling to myself, and began reading. Frank and Jamie began tossing a frisbee back and forth and Annaliese stood watching. I, on the other hand, fell asleep. I woke up to Frank kissing my forehead and putting my wrap over me so I did not burn. I pulled him closer so that his arm was wrapped around me and my arm was around his neck and I gently stroked his cheek.

“Where’d you get that book from?” Frank asked, realizing it was not my typical book choice.

“Jamie picked it out for me the other day when we went to the bookstore, he said it was really interesting, so I thought I’d give it a try. I like it so far.”

I don’t know if that bothered him, I also could be overthinking it, but he laid on my chest pulling our bodies a little bit closer. I looked over to see Jamie staring with a look of despair in his eyes. Before I could do anything about it, Frank was fast asleep on me. I felt awkward, I was thinking about trying to make Jamie feel better while my boyfriend was asleep on my chest.

Annaliese and I decided to go into the water, so I pushed Frank off of me and we made our way into the ocean. We floated for a while and chatted about work and the guys. 

We weren’t the best of friends, but I could handle her in doses. I decided to get out of the water and Annaliese decided to stay in; in reality, I was tired of hearing her go on and on about Jamie. I didn’t like to think of myself as the jealous type, but when it came to him, I was. I went back to Frank, who was still asleep and Jamie was sitting there reading a book that I picked out for him, which made me smile. I was rubbing sunscreen on Frank’s back, my traitorous thoughts making me wonder how Jamie’s back looked when it became evident that Jamie had not removed it to get in the water yet.

I made my way over to him and sat with my knees to my chest.

“Jamie?”

“Aye, Sassenach?”

“Why haven’t you gone into the water? Or take your shirt off for that matter? You can’t be embarrassed about your body that you worked so hard for.” He turned with a raised eyebrow, his eyes meeting mine. I let out an unsteady breath.

“Have you been admiring my body from afar?” he said, laughing. I could feel the blush climbing its way up my chest at that but decided to push through the embarrassment. “Well, Claire, if you must know, I am self-conscious about my body, and that is something that I am working on, but that’s no why I still have my shirt on.”

“You are self-conscious?”

“Aye, Sassenach, when I was younger I was chubby and now I’m kind of fixated on my stomach ye ken? I don’t tell people about it, so I would appreciate it if you didn’t say anything,” he paused. Breaking eye contact he looked down at his hands and started picking at his cuticles.

He glanced at me and then again fixed his eyes on his hands as if he was in a daze, “I still have my shirt on because I was in a skydiving accident. I was skydiving with a couple of friends and my parachute was stuck. Luckily I had a backup one but I ended up going through a small forest,” he let out a shaky breath, while rubbing the back of his neck. 

“ I was wearing a tank top so when I went through the trees it completely destroyed my shirt and scarred my back. I kind of twisted to protect myself so my back got the worst of it. That was the same year that I opened the restaurant, and Murtagh, who is my godfather, by the way, flew over from Scotland to help me for a few months, but he loved it so much that he stayed.”

It took me a minute to process everything that he said. I was embarrassed that I assumed that he couldn’t possibly be self-conscious because in my eyes he looks like a god. How do you make someone see themselves the way that you see them? I realized that I only knew the man who sat in front of me and not the boy that he used to be. I was happy that he felt comfortable enough to share this with me, even if I didn’t know exactly how to respond.

Unexpectedly, I asked, “Will you show me?”

He looked around to see that there was no one nearby and Frank was still fast asleep before he answered, “Yes.”

As I crawled behind him, I heard him let out a trembling breath.

“Are ye ready, lass?”

“Yes.” I barely had my hands on the hem of his shirt when we heard an audible gasp and Jamie quickly pushed my hands away. 

At some point, Annaliese had gone to the bathroom without any of us noticing. She just stood there at first, looking perplexed, then began walking back towards the car.

“I’ll be back,” Jamie said with a sigh.

Frank finally woke up and asked what happened. I simply told him that Annaliese was upset so Jamie went to calm her down.

About ten minutes later, Jamie returned and gathered their things.

“I’m going to take Annaliese home, thank ye again for inviting us.”

***

That night Frank, still confused, asked again what happened. I told the truth this time, well mostly. I felt this need to protect Jamie from Frank, so as soon as Frank brought the situation up again I immediately felt the heat slowly rise in my face.

“So he was embarrassed because he was in a skydiving accident and his back was all scratched up?” He was making Jamie’s pain and suffering sound small as if he were a child over exaggerating the pain of his most recent boo boo.

“Yes.”

“But he let you look at his back?” he asked quizzically. I didn’t understand why it mattered so much to him.

“Yes, well no, he was going to but then Annalise came over.” I realized that this sounded bad, but I couldn’t help but defend myself. For a reason unknown to me I didn’t care that Frank was upset with me for having this intimate moment with Jamie.

“So, it was like you were caught doing something you shouldn't?” he said with raised eyebrows. 

“No, I don’t understand why you're making this such a big deal Frank!” He was making me feel crazy, and I could feel tears welling up in my eyes from frustration. I just wanted to be alone so that I could think. 

“I just don’t understand wh-”

“You know what, go home, Frank. I don’t feel like having this conversation and it seems like you just don’t want to let it go. I didn’t even look at his fucking back, I don’t understand why you’re getting so mad!” 

“It’s the way he looks at you!” His veins were starting to bulge.

“Nothing is going on! Do you not trust me?”

“No, it's not that, it's just that I don’t trust him.” His tone immediately softened.

“Go home, Frank,” I almost whispered. “We can talk about this tomorrow.”

He practically stomped out of my apartment like a child and made sure to slam my door. I don’t know if I was upset because Frank was making a big commotion or at myself. The truth was, it felt like Annalise had walked in on me and Jamie and I did notice the way he looked at me. I couldn't admit that to Frank. Saying it aloud would make it true. 

***

That night Jamie texted me.

**Jamie:** I just wanted to let you know that I ended things with Annaliese.

 **Me:** I’m so sorry, Jamie

 **Jamie:** No worries, lass. It’s not like it was serious.

 **Me:** Was it because of what happened at the beach?

 **Jamie:** Partially, she felt like I was keeping a part of myself from her. 

**Jamie:** She’s right, I am. 

**Me:** Well why would you do that?

 **Jamie:** I think I have feelings for someone else.

 **Me:** If you don’t mind me asking, who?

  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you guys enjoyed it! Let me know what you think!


	3. Who You Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jamie confronts his feelings

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry it took me a while to upload this chapter, I've had a lot going on. As always HUGE thank you to all of you for your feedback. I'm happy that you guys are connecting with and enjoying this story.  
> This chapter was somewhat inspired by the song Who You Love by John Mayer  
> Eventually, I'll post a playlist for this story. 
> 
> As always thank you to my amazing betas Brittney (@sbstevenson2) and Catrin (@catrinmo1) ❤

Chapter 3: Who You Love 

Jamie's Pov

(Jamie): Partially, and she was kind of upset that I let you see my back before her. She felt like I was keeping a part of myself from her. She’s right, I am. 

Claire: Well why do you do that?

(Jamie): I think I have feelings for someone else.

Claire: If you don’t mind me asking, who?

I was laying in my bed, searching for a response. _If you don’t mind me asking, who?_ How do I answer that? Do I tell her that it has been her since her whiskey eyes locked on mine? There has always been something between us but I respect the fact that she is with Frank. She claimed that they were in love with each other and she could see a future with him, but I disagree. Annalise ended things because she thought there was something more between us. She wasn’t wrong. There was something between Claire and I. Geillis, Annalise, and even Murtagh had pointed it out; so I know it's not just me. 

I left Claire on read, I needed to gather myself. I cherished our friendship and I didn’t want to ruin that if I was reading too much into her actions. Having her in my life, in some way, is better than not having her at all...right?

I sat up, pushing a pillow against the headboard, staring at her words. An donas dubh! 

I began thinking about all of the small moments we shared. Moments that you wouldn’t share with someone who is just a friend. When she caressed my arm and laced her fingers with mine, to comfort me. That was the moment I knew I loved her. She cared. Despite her being in a relationship, in that moment she tried to get close to me, as close as I would allow. Her hands were soft and fit perfectly into mine. But then she set me up with Annalise, and I said yes as a favor to her, but it was never going to work with us. Annalise was no Claire. The way my soul recognized hers was something you only get once in a lifetime; it was something most people dream about. If she hadn’t asked me who I had feelings for, I could easily let her go, let her be happy with Frank if that’s what she wanted. But she asked, why would she want to know if it didn't benefit her in some way.

I need to talk to someone. I’ve never needed validation so much in my life. I sat with my face in my hands, then I remembered that Geillis said if I ever needed to talk about Annalise or Claire, that I could come to her. I know Gillian is Claires' best friend, but she would be the best one to get advice from. I knew it was late but I figured I should text Gillian while I had the courage. 

(Jamie): Hey Gillian, this is a little awkward but I need to ask you for some advice. 

I was hoping that she was asleep when my phone vibrated.

Gillian: Hey Jamie, what can I do for ya?

(Jamie): I need to talk to you about Claire.

My stomach dropped, I couldn’t believe that I was about to have this conversation. 

Gillian: Is everything ok?

(Jamie): Oh yeah, she’s fine but I just wanted to meet up to talk to you if that’s okay.

Gillian: Of course, do you want me to come to the restaurant tomorrow?

(Jamie): yea, that would be great. Thanks again Gillian

For some reason, planning this talk with Gillian was comforting to me. My thoughts were going a mile a minute, so I laid back down and tried to go to sleep.

***

The next morning I woke up feeling a little anxious. I didn’t really talk about my emotions with anyone other than Murtagh, so talking to Gillian about all of this would be interesting. 

I finally got to Leoch. I told Murtagh he could come in a little late today, so Gillian and I could have some privacy. Gillian arrived at 10 and was very eager to talk. We sat at the bar with two cups of tea and settled in. 

“Hey Jamie, tell me everything!”, she said with a warm embrace.

“Well I don’t know where to begin,” I started rubbing the back of my neck, thinking.“Och well, okay. So i think it’s obvious at this point that I like Claire.”

“Well, obviously.” Gillian smiled.

“I dinna ken if I should say something or not. I know she is wi’ Frank, but when we are together, nothing else seems to matter.”

Gillian was searching for my eyes, when I finally looked up, she said, “ Well clearly she is fond of you too, Jamie. I’ve never seen her light up the way she lights up around you. She wasna even like this when she first started seeing Frank,” shrugging she took another sip of tea. 

“Yeah, I’m just nervous that I’m reading into things. I dinna ken if you have ever been in this situation before, where the person you are interested in keeps giving you small signals, and acts differently with you than the rest of your friends.” I paused thinking about all of the moments that we shared. “But then later you find out that they were just really comfortable with you and there was nothing more than friendship.”

“I’ve never been in that situation, but I can imagine it’s hard. I got lucky and met Lousie in med school and she was my first serious relationship.”

“It hurts to put so much of your energy into someone, to make them a priority, and then when you express your feelings to them the only response you get is, ‘I’m just an affectionate person.’ It just makes you feel crazy. It was amplified by friends, constantly asking if we were together, which validated how I was feeling, ye ken? So, I dinna want that to happen with Claire, which is why I asked to speak with ye today.” I could feel the emotions from that ‘relationship’ rising to the top and my eyes were burning from the tears that I refused to let out. 

Gillian was rubbing my arm, trying to comfort me. I guess I wasn't hiding my emotions well. 

“So do you think I should say something?” 

“I think you have to. I ken Frank is a little rattled by your presence and I’ve never seen Claire this confused. She hasna said anything to me, but I know my best friend.” 

“Claire is off today so she should be home if ye want to go talk to her.”

“Should I go now?” I asked quizzically. I had so many emotions. Finally on my way to tell the woman that I loved how I felt. It was exhilarating, I’ve never taken a risk like this before. It was also horrifying, what if she didn't feel the same way? What if she turns me down. Honestly, Claire would be worth the heartache. 

“I don’t see why not,” she said with a smile. 

“Thanks for everything!” I said as I was standing to leave.

Murtagh walked in as I was leaving.

“I’ll be back! I need you to open for me!” I called out as I was gathering my things. 

Murtagh looked confused and Gillian just smiled at him. 

***

When I got to the lobby of Claire's building I paced for a few minutes deciding if I truly wanted to do this. _Yes. Of course, I do. I want her._

I finally got to her floor and slowly walked to her door. Taking a deep breath I knocked. 

“Jamie, what are-”, without hesitation, I pulled her face to mine and kissed her. At first, she didn’t kiss back, her lips still. Then I felt her suck my bottom lip into her mouth. I pulled away and smiled. Kissing her was the only way I could fully explain how I felt. She smiled too but her face was transparent and I could see the underlying emotions that she was trying with all of her might to suppress. 

“Can I-,” my heart instantly dropped and so did Claire’s gaze.

“Who is it?” The voice, familiar, sounded so aggressive. 

“It’s Jamie”, Claire said with an apology in her eyes.

“I can come back another time,” I said not wanting to add to what I thought had already been a long morning for Claire. 

“Bye Jamie, um, I’ll call you later.”, she said, rubbing her lips with the side of her pointer finger and closing the door.

I walked away, hands in my pockets, somewhat hopeful. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> An donas dubh! – damnit!
> 
> Thank you for reading! I hope you enjoyed it! ❤


	4. She Used to Be Mine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Franks Pov

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for all of your kind feedback, it means so much to me!  
> I'm back in the groove of things so I'll be able to update more often
> 
> As always a HUGE thank you to my amazing betas Catrin (@catrinmo1) and Brittany (@sbstevenson2) ❤

Chapter 4: She Used to Be Mine

Franks POV

After Claire kicked me out, I walked home to clear my head. I just didn’t know what to do. Here comes this man that _I_ introduced Claire to, like an idiot, and now he is ruining our bloody relationship. I could not believe that I did this to myself.

I got back to my apartment and laid in my bed thinking. Hopefully tomorrow we can talk this out. I love Claire and I don’t want to lose her, but this was madness. I know sometimes because of work we barely get to see each other. I feel like we’ve been dedicated to each other for so long now, we always managed to find our way back to one another. I rolled over and forced myself to go to sleep.

The next morning, I quickly showered and got dressed. I didn’t bother calling Claire to see if she was home because I knew she was off so she would most likely still be asleep.

When I arrived at Claire’s, she proved that I know her pretty well, because she answered the door in her pajamas, her voice quavering and raspy and her eyes barely opened. She was in a light blue tank top and shorts that had forget-me nots on them. Wow, I loved the way she looked in the morning.

“Frank, what are you doing here? Do you know what time it is?” she asked as I walked in.

“Yes, darling, I do, but I had to talk to you. I could barely sleep after our fight last night,” I said, sitting down, she was still half asleep holding the door open.

“I just want to make sure we are on the same page.” She looked slightly annoyed but didn't bother to say anything, but her face said enough. Deep down she probably knew that I was right. She said that we could talk about this today and that's what I planned on doing. I was so confused after the way we left things. I just felt like she was pulling away from me. So, there I sat on the couch staring at her, while she was still standing in the doorway. 

“I need coffee,” she said, finally closing the door and walking into the kitchen.

“I just need to know why you were defending him so much and why you kicked me out last night? You’ve been different ever since I introduced you two.”

“I just felt as though I had to defend him because you weren’t there for our conversation that day. He’s my friend.” She was slowly thumbing the rim of her coffee cup.

A few minutes went by, silent, yet filled with so many things unsaid. Exchanged glances filled with sadness, guilt, and betrayal all at once.

“Can you see yourself marrying me?” I finally asked, somewhat afraid to hear the answer. She paused. It was the longest pause of my life; I wished she didn’t wear every damn emotion on her face... Her beautiful face. Her blue eyes looked so confused, sad, even.

“Honestly, I–I don’t know.” She was staring at the floor, rubbing her arm.

I didn’t know what to say. I was thinking about how the course of our relationship had changed so much in such a short period of time. It’s strange how one seemingly harmless event can change your entire life. I wonder where we would be right now if Jamie had never come to my office or if we hadn't gone to dinner with him. Would we still be happy? Would something else have come between us? It’s funny how time works, revealing things to us.

She went to the bathroom and I saw an opportunity, which I should not have taken but I did. Claire didn’t have a password on her phone, so I opened it and got Jamie’s phone number and saved it on my phone. I may have also read some of their messages and surprisingly there was nothing. I was almost hoping to find something. With the way they looked at each other they couldn’t be _just_ friends. How insane am I? I wanted to find out that she was cheating on me? I heard the bathroom door open and I threw her phone down, but I wasn’t fast enough.

“What are you doing?” she exclaimed with both hands on her hips.

With that, someone knocked on the door, and she went to answer it. Panicked, I began pacing. I was leaning on the console table behind her couch when I heard who it was.

“Who is it?” I asked. I knew exactly who it was, and what timing he had. 

“It’s Jamie,” she said with her back turned to me. 

I didn’t quite hear what he said but she said, ”Bye Jamie, um, I’ll call you later.” I was happy that she got rid of him, but she said she would call him later. I didn’t appreciate that. I wish the couch was a little bit closer to the door so that I could have heard more of the conversation, but honestly I was just hoping she’d forget the conversation we had before. I wasn’t that lucky. 

“So what were you doing with my phone?” Her tone was a little bit lighter, I recognized that look on her face, she was biting her bottom lip and her gaze far into the distance. She walked back into the living room and grabbed her coffee off the table, hiding her face in her mug. 

“Nothing.” It was a pitiful response. I sat back down on the couch, staring at the painting behind the television. 

“Frank, I’m not an idiot. What were you doing on my phone?” She picked her phone up and was scrolling through trying to figure out what I had thumbed through. 

“I wanted to put my mind at ease, Claire.” 

Her eyes were wide and full of fury. The entire time she never sat down. She stood in the same spot, right in front of the television, on the other side of the coffee table, but still directly in front of me.Every other disagreement we had, we were always next to each other, still close in someway, sitting next to each other She felt so far away, almost like if I reached for her my finger tips would just barely come short. 

“You don’t trust me; you claim that you want to work through this, but now you’re here looking through my phone. Honestly, if you had asked, I would have shown you our conversations.”

I rubbed the back of my neck, not knowing what to say.

“Did you find what you were looking for?” her voice was so cold.

“No, I didn’t find anything. All of your texts were platonic.”

“And now you feel dumb. Frank, I love you. Yes, I am having some mixed emotions but together or not, I will always love you. You’re my first love.” There was a long pause and I couldn’t help but study her face. That look that Claire had after she closed the door, was guilt. Again, she licked her lips, like she does after she’s been kissed….

“Did you kiss him?” She looked like a deer in headlights. Her silence was my answer. She didn't even attempt to come up with a lie...I guess I should have felt comforted by that.

The silence was driving me mad. I knew what I wanted, and I knew that we could be happy together, we had so many plans before this, and dammit, I planned on keeping them.

“If you forget about Jamie and never talk to him again, I can forgive all of the feelings that you have towards him.” She looked at me like I had two heads, but I could tell she was considering it.

“Look, I’ll give you some time to think about it and you let me know if you can agree to these conditions.”

I kissed her on the forehead, rubbed her arm, and let myself out.

Once I was downstairs in the lobby, I dialed Jamie’s phone. I stared at the numbers as the time on the call increased. I hung up before he could answer. I didn’t want to be that guy that tried to be intimidating and told him to stay away. If they really wanted to be together it would happen regardless. I was about to put my phone away when it started vibrating; it was Jamie.

After a brief conversation, which I never intended on having, I met Jamie at his restaurant, where it all began. He was walking by as I walked in, we said nothing, just shook hands.

“Can I get ye anything? Water, a coffee, a dram?” he said with a chuckle. I wanted so badly to wallop this guy now that I know that he kissed her. But for some reason, it was really hard not to like this guy. He was very personable, he poured with a heavy hand, and he was rather good looking... not that that excused anything.

“A dram would be great,” I said as I made myself more comfortable.

“So, what did ye want to talk about?” he asked but I believe he already knew.

“I wanted to talk about you and Claire. But then I hung up because I figured if she wants to be with you she will. You can’t stop her from doing what she wants. How do you feel about her?”

“Well, ehm, I guess I’ll be honest with ye. I’ve been attracted to the lass since ye introduced us. There’s just something about her that my soul resonates with.” He looked guilty, he kept looking right past my face and kept picking at his hands.

“I need you to leave her, us, alone. I know that you kissed her and it’s taking everything in me not to. We were perfectly fine before you came into our lives, happy even and now you’ve come and shat on everything.” I said very calmly. 

He didn’t say anything, he just kept cleaning the bar.

He was in love with her, I could see it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading and I hope you enjoyed it!


	5. I Wonder

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Claire finally figures out what she wants

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you again for all of your comments! They all mean so much.  
> As usual, thank you to my amazing betas Catrin (@catrinmo1) and Brittany (@sbstevenson2) ❤
> 
> This chapter was inspired by Wonder by Shawn Mendes
> 
> Disclaimer: This chapter is more mature than the previous ones

Chapter 5: I Wonder 

(back to Claire) 

There were too many things to process from today: my conversation with Frank, my kiss with Jamie...and what a kiss it was. I wanted to be alone but then my thoughts became too much, so I called Gillian. Before I even hung up with her she was walking through my door. She gave me the biggest hug and I needed it. It was like she could read my thoughts.

“ So what are ye gonna do?”

“ Gill, I have no idea. It’s too much. I’ve been with Frank for so long and he’s a good guy, he’s never done anything wrong...”

“ But?”

“ But with Jamie, I’m so drawn to him.” She let me sit and ponder my thoughts for a few minutes before she added her two cents.

“Well I’ve never seen ye light up the way ye light when Jamie walks into the room; ye get so excited to even see him. You and Frank were great, but it always seemed like ye were missing something.”

“Why didn’t you say anything Gil? It isn’t like you to hold your tongue..?”

“Babe, that’s a decision I canna make fer ye.”

“I know, I just- I guess I already know what I want to do. I just don’t want to do it.”

Before Gillian could reply Louise knocked on the door as she opened it.

“I hear sappy movies, cookies, and wine are in order?” She had three bottles of wine, actual DVDs, and my favorite chocolate chip cookies.

“God, I love you,” I exclaimed as Louise snuggled in next to Gillian and rested her head on her shoulder. I rested my head in Gillian’s lap, and she subconsciously rubbed my head. Honestly, this was exactly what I needed, my girls, and something to take my mind off of how shitty I felt. I rarely let my entire world fall apart, and when I did these two were always there to help me pick up the pieces. ...which we did while watching P.S I Love You (it's one of my favorite rom-com's).

We were at the scene in P.S. I Love You when Harry Connick Jr. and Hilary Swank's characters are sitting in the booth at a restaurant and he tells her that he’s nobody’s Jerry when finally I broke the cycle of slurps and crunches.

“I think what I’ve realized is that it’s not that I didn’t love Frank- he’s a wonderful man and has done nothing but support me. But I met Jamie and realized what was out there and that I could have so much more. I am the love of his life − but he’s not the love of mine.” 

Hearing these words aloud made me feel like an arsehole, but it was how I felt. 

I hadn’t even noticed that tears were streaming down my face.

****

Gillian and Louise fell asleep on the couch and I didn’t want to wake them, so I tucked them in. 

I quietly went into my room and started getting ready for bed. I was putting on my sleep shirt when I started wondering what it would be like to have Jamie lying on my bed. 

His strong body waiting for me, only in his briefs. 

To have his gaze wander across my body as I changed.

I wondered what it would be like to be loved by him. He was such a thoughtful friend, so I could only imagine what he was like as a partner.

I wondered what it would be like to have his large, calloused hands slowly take my shirt off, just barely grazing my skin, staring into my eyes the entire time. 

Watching him watch me, with darkening eyes, as I take my jeans off so that I was just in my bra and panties. 

Slowly moving closer to each other and finally being so close to him that I can feel the heat of his breath and he can feel mine. 

His hand cupping my breast over my bra at first and then finally beneath it, feeling the warmth of his hand, and the graze of his thumb across my hardening nipple. 

His other hand on the small of my back, holding me against him so that I could feel his hardening length against my thigh.

I let out a quiet sigh and lowered myself in my bed, spreading my thighs slightly. I could feel my arousal building and I wondered just how far my curiosity could get me.

I wondered what it would feel like to feel his breath on my skin, to feel his tongue create a path from my neck down to my stomach.

To have him tease me and lightly bite my inner thigh, igniting that fire that has been out for so long because he’s so close to my sex that I’m begging to feel some part of him inside me. I wonder –

“Claire, Louise, and I are going to go home. I’ll see ye, tomorrow love.” I immediately crossed my legs, trying to calm the ache between my legs. Luckily, I had dimmed the lights before I got into bed and Gillian was just standing at the door, even then I hoped and prayed to the high heavens that she didn't see anything 

“Okay, I’ll text you. Thanks again!” I said enthusiastically as she walked around and gave me a hug. it was clear that she was half asleep because she didn’t even notice that my face was completely flushed and that I was panting, I was so worked up just from thinking about Jamie.

I heard Gillian and Louise let themselves out and settled back in bed. I was beginning to calm down from the sexual escapades of my mind... I kind of wanted to keep going, but then Frank appeared in my mind and the guilt settled in. 

“Frank,” I said with a sigh, rubbing my face. 

I couldn't stop the tears from falling. I felt horrible, but I couldn't help the way I felt. 

***

I decided to break up with Frank the next day. I felt it was only fair to him to do it sooner than later - I owed him that much. He came over later in the day and based on his expression, he had already begun to mourn our relationship.

We didn’t even sit down; we were just standing in the entryway of my apartment - an entryway that always felt so warm and inviting until now. I didn’t know how to start. I fidgeted with the sleeves from my sweater for a few minutes when finally I spoke up.

“Look, Frank, I-,” but he cut me off.

“Claire, I love you, but you’re clearly not in this with me anymore. I recognized it, right after you went to the bookstore together. I was hoping that the life I was trying to create for us would be enough.”

“So why did you stay for so long then? Why not break up with me?” I don't know what answer I was expecting to receive but it was my fault for denying how I felt for so long. 

“I was hoping that I would be enough,” he said with a sigh. He still wasn’t looking at me.

“You deserve to live your life, with someone who knows that they love you, Frank. I do love you, but I think that the love I have for you has changed.” I was trying to look him in the eye, but these words stung my own heart as I said them.

“ I thought maybe with some time, you would be able to get over him.”

“I don’t think that amount of time exists,” I was looking at Frank with blurred vision, my tears burning my eyes. 

His gaze dropped and he just walked out the door. As the door slammed I lost my composure, large tears streaming down my cheeks and I finally let out the sob that I was holding in. I was used to being with Frank and as soon as he walked out the door that comfortability, that feeling of predictability went with him, and it was a punch to the gut that I was not expecting.

My phone started ringing and of course, it was work. I quickly had to regain my composure. I quickly wiped my eyes, as if they could see me, cleared my throat, and answered the phone. The nurse on the other end informed me that there was a huge accident and all hands were needed so I had to put my shit aside and go to work. 

***

I hadn't talked to Jamie in a few weeks. I was avoiding going to Leoch and I think he was avoiding me as well. He hadn’t called, texted, or even stopped by the hospital. Honestly, I was happy that he hadn't; I needed some time to think about what it was that I wanted before reaching out to him. 

I knew he had heard by now that Frank and I broke up because Gillian and Joe couldn’t keep a secret if their lives depended on it. Finally, I decided to go ahead and bite the bullet and text him.

It was still pretty early when I texted him, but of course, he was awake because he went to the gym earlier. I just wanted to check in and see how he was doing but we ended up talking for a couple of hours. We mostly kept the conversation light and it only turned to Frank a couple of times when he asked if I was okay. 

Jamie: Sassenach, can I come over tonight? So we can talk?

Me (Claire): Aren’t we talking right now?

Jamie: LOL yes, but you know what I mean. I haven’t seen you in over a month.

Me (Claire): I know and thank you for giving me space. 

Jamie: I promise, no funny business and I’ll keep my hands to myself. 

God knows I didn't want him to keep his hands to himself. I wanted him to touch me. I thought about it for a few minutes before I responded. 

Me (Claire): You can come over whenever I’ll be home all day. But you can’t stay late, I have an early shift tomorrow. 

Jamie: I’ll see you in an hour


	6. XO

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jamie and Claire finally talk and go on their first date!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Time really got away from me, so I apologize that it's been so long since my last update! Sadly I think this story is coming to an end soon. I have thoroughly enjoyed writing this and seeing all of your reactions, but I don't want to drag it out. 
> 
> As always thank you to my beta Catrin (@catrinmo1) and Elín (@Swedishlassie78) who stepped in this week ❤
> 
> The mood board is posted on Twitter @rwleispiach

Chapter 6: XO

An hour? I guess that was enough time to make myself presentable. But if he liked the way I looked with my hair in a messy bun and sweatpants, he would _love_ the way I looked all dressed up. 

I figured I should at least clean myself up. I finally dragged myself out of bed and got in the shower. I imagined showering with him, taking each other in, lathering each other up….what it would be like to see him walk around my apartment in just a towel, water dripping down his chest. It dawned on me that he’d be here soon and that I should probably stop fantasizing about him right before he came over. I finally got out and put on my favorite pair of black joggers and a long sleeve shirt. I was trying hard not to freak out. I was nervous about what he was going to say, and if it was going to be awkward or not. But I didn't have much time to think about it, before long, I heard a knock on the door. 

I strolled over so that I didn't get to the door too quickly, I didn't want to seem too eager. I calmed myself and reached for the knob. I opened my door and what a sight. Jamie had the biggest smile on his face and he brought lunch. Not just any lunch.He went to a few different restaurants because he didn't know what I was in the mood for. He grabbed pasta from my favorite Italian place down the street, dumplings, and bao from the Chinese restaurant next door to Leoch, and burgers from Burger Bar Bistro. Just when I didn't think I could be more attracted to this man. 

“I thought I would bring options,” he said with a smirk. He kissed me on the cheek as he walked in and put the food on the kitchen counter. How was he so comfortable in my apartment already? He’d never really been here before. 

I was still standing at the front door in shock, just watching this amazing human move in my apartment. He didn't realize that I was watching him until he returned to the living room to put our drinks on the coffee table. 

“What?” he said as he came over to shut the door. 

“I’ve just never had anyone do this for me before. You just said you wanted to talk, so I wasn’t expecting this.” Tears were starting to well up in my eyes. He grabbed my hand and walked us over to the couch. 

“Here, eat something.” He said with a smile. 

We both sat on the floor while we ate and we just talked about anything and everything. I thought our first encounter after breaking things off with Frank would be more awkward, but it was the total opposite. Nothing was off-limits. We talked more about my break up. I told him that basically, I realized Frank wasn’t the guy for me. I knew it was vague but I didn’t want to keep talking about Frank. So naturally, we moved on to Annalise, and the real reason they broke up.

“Ultimately, the lass was jealous of ye Claire.” He said it so matter of factly. This explained so much, after they split Annalise stopped talking to me and when she did, she was very short. 

“Ye have such a strong presence and a big personality that no one can compete with. So I guess she wanted to get out before she was too attached,” he said as he took a bite of dumpling and then offered me the other half, which I gladly accepted.

“So she saw it even then? Well, that makes sense, I guess. Frank said he could tell that we were attracted to each other the day we met.”

“ Really?” He asked quizzically, still shoveling food into his mouth. I laughed at the sight of him. 

“Yeah, I still don’t understand why he didn’t say anything sooner. We kind of talked about it when we broke up but I wish we’d talked about it a little bit more. I feel bad because he could see it and I couldn’t. We stayed in this deteriorating relationship and he was watching me fall for you. Obviously, I didn’t realize it at first, you were just someone that I liked being around.” 

He turned to look at me, which made me drop my gaze. “But there was something that kept bringing me back to you, and I felt like I had to protect you from him which caused a couple of issues with Frank and me. But sometimes you don’t necessarily fall out of love with someone, it just changes, and I think that was what happened when I got to know you,” I didn’t look up, just stared at my hands, but I could feel his gaze trying to bring my eyes to his. He finally realized that it was never going to happen, so he took my hand and kissed it. 

We continued talking about Annalise, me becoming a surgeon, him wanting to create his own whisky one day. We were sharing food, laughing if the other took too big of a bite, and gave themselves chipmunk cheeks. It was so natural with him, this was the same way I felt when we were walking to the bookstore talking about our families. 

I was so interested in what he was saying that I hadn’t realized we'd slowly moved closer together. As we talked we had migrated towards each other. Figuring out how far we could go without the other one noticing. 

“Do ye want bairns, Sassenach?” he said inching closer to me.

“Bairns?” I couldn’t help but laugh. “Yes, I do actually. I want at least two. What about you?”

“I want at least a basketball team,” he had the biggest smirk on his face.

“Oh yeah and just who is having all of those kids?” 

“Depending on how all of this goes, I’m rooting for ye.” I didn’t know what to say to that, but it warmed my heart. 

Inching closer to one another, small squeezes to each other's hands for emphasis. We were so close together by now that I was sitting sideways and had my arm on the edge of the couch and was mindlessly playing with his red curls.

“ Do you have names in mind?” I asked. 

“Well, I would like to name at least two after my ma and da, Ellen and Brian.” 

“Those would make great names; Brian if it’s a boy and Brianna if it’s a girl.” I loved that he thought about this already, babies, babies with _me_ , names, it was really attractive and quite honestly there was a small fire burning at my core and I could feel the heat rising. 

We were sitting with our thoughts in comfortable silence when I noticed his hand resting on my knee, his arm pushing slightly into my breasts. His scent was intoxicating, earthy and warm and him. 

He grabbed my leg and pulled it over his lap, moved one hand so that it was resting on the small of my back, and the other one my upper thigh, pulling me even closer, our faces a mere inch apart. I leaned in to kiss him when he abruptly asked, “Sassenach, why’d ye break up with Frank?” I sat back against the couch and looked at him. I thought we had already discussed this.

“Jamie.” His name fell out of my mouth, with no emotion, but I didn't know where he was going with this. 

“I’m sorry, but ye never really told me why. What was it about me that shook yer relationship?” he said apprehensively.

“Well, as I said, I was attracted to you, and he sensed that. And that made me do things in my relationship with Frank that weren’t fair to him. He deserved to be with someone that knew they wanted to be with him, and after I met you, I didn't know if I was that person anymore.” He interlaced his fingers with mine and caressed the back of my hand with his thumb. “You opened my heart without even trying. I know people probably think that leaving Frank was impulsive. But something felt different about you, there was something familiar. I knew I couldn’t let you get away.” Tears were streaming down Jamie's face. He tilted my chin up, making me look at him.

“I want ye…. More than I ever wanted anything in my life. I’m happy that I don't have to filter how I feel anymore, mo chridhe. I’ve wondered what it would be like to love ye, to hold ye in my arms, to kiss your soft pink lips whenever I want, to taste ye,to watch you while you sleep, all of it.” I was hoping he wouldn’t see that I was blushing. Our foreheads were touching now, lost in each other’s eyes, and my hand was at its favorite spot, playing with the curls at the nape of his neck.

“Well, you can kiss me now,” I whispered.

He cupped my cheek, leaned in, he hovered for a second before brushing my lips with his. The feeling of his warm breath on my lips sent chills down my spine. I leaned in the rest of the way taking his bottom lip in my mouth. He deepened the kiss and pulled me into his lap so that I was straddling him.

His hands were on my arse, both of mine pulling his face closer to mine if that was even possible. As our kisses deepened the tighter his grip became. He brushed his tongue against my lip and I opened my mouth wider to let him in. Kissing him like this, tasting him, breathing him in, nothing compared to this… this feeling, just being here with him. His hands were on my thighs and was slowly moving towards my center. I casually placed both of my hands on his, stopping them. 

“Ja- Jamie. I don’t want this to move too quickly,” I said giggling. “As good as this feels right now, I don’t want to move too fast, you know?” He let out a low growl and kissed me one more time. 

“Aye, Sassenach, I agree.” Lightly slapping my arse, he released his grip slightly. 

“Can I take ye out on a proper date this weekend, if yer free?” 

“I look forward to it,” I said kissing him on the cheek. 

  
  


****

That Saturday I made Gillian and Louise come over to help me pick out an outfit. Jamie wouldn't tell me where we were going, he just told me to put on my dancing shoes. 

“Clearly yer goin’ dancin’,” Gillian said. 

“Well yeah, but would that be drinks and then dancing or dancing and then dinner? There are many possibilities,” Louise came to my defense. She was sitting on my bed, Gillian was on the floor and I was rummaging through my closet holding dresses up for them to give me opinions on. 

“I want to wear something sexy but not anything too sexy, you know?” I looked at them for validation and they both looked at each other and back at me.

“What!,” I huffed. They looked at each other and had a silent conversation about who was going to speak. 

“Claire, ye have an amazing body, so no matter what dress ye wear Jamie is going to think it’s sexy, I mean he’s already had his hands all over yer arse,” Gillian said this so matter of factly. Louise and I just laughed because there was nothing really to say to that.

“Thanks, Gil.”

I held up a long-sleeved, black body con dress which got the green light from both of them. It always made me feel sexy and confident. I matched it with a pair of black heels and I was done. I was having a good hair day so I decided to let my curls hang loose and got the last approval from Gillian and Louise when Jamie knocked on the door.

When I answered the door Jamie looked me up and down.

“Hi, Jamie,” I said shyly.

“Hi, Claire, you look bonny,” he said biting his lip. 

“Thanks, you look very handsome,” I said, looking him up and down. He had on a deep blue button-down that brought out his eyes, dark pants, and brown dress shoes. We stood there in silence, escaping into our own bubble, lost in each other's eyes. 

“Well we’re gonna leave ye to it, don’t stay out too late now,” Gillian said, getting our attention again. 

“Have a good night!” Louise said as she was pulling Gillian out of the door.

“Should we go?” he said, offering his hand.

“Yes,” I laced my fingers with his and we were officially on our first date. 

He was such a gentleman holding the car door open for me and closing it behind me. I told him I was nervous so he held my hand during the car ride. 

I was surprised when we arrived at a lounge. He helped me out of the car and held out his arm. 

“I heard that this place has amazing food and there's good dancing so I thought it would be fun,” he sounded like he was trying to convince himself. 

“Jamie, I’m excited just to be on a date with you, I don’t care what we’re doing,” I kissed him on the cheek and he noticeably relaxed. 

The lounge had a warm vibe to it. You could sit and have a drink, grab food, or dance. It was a great choice for a date since it had a little bit of everything. We sat in a small booth in a corner that was close to the dance floor but still cozy. 

I never thought I would be that person that sits on the same side of the booth as their date, but I needed to be next to him, I was so drawn to him. Having him near me was a comfort and I didn't care who stared at us. 

The waiter came over and took our drink order. Jamie got a whisky, of course, and I got a glass of red wine. Because of our nerves, it didn't take long for us to finish our first round. We didn't say much but we kept staring at each other, the rest of the lounge disappearing and somehow inching us closer to one another. 

With my elbows on the table, I rested my face in my hands, just smiling at him. I could feel the heat rising from the wine but also from the way he was looking at me. He kept licking his lips, his eyes never leaving mine. 

“Maybe we should get some food,” I suggested.

“Aye, yer right sassenach,” he quickly agreed, placing his hand on the small of my back as held up the menu so we both could read. 

“Get whatever ye want, Claire, I dinna mind.” 

“Let’s get two appetizers,” I wasn't really hungry, but I knew we needed something if we wanted this night to last.

We finally decided on a large charcuterie board. It was fun trying new cheeses with him, watching his lip curl up and his brow furrow at the taste of some of the stronger, stinkier cheeses. The buzz from all the wine was starting to wear off, but I was drunk on him. 

The lights in the lounge dimmed and people were starting to dance. Jamie stood up, with a huge cheeky grin on his face. 

“Would ye like tae dance, Claire?” I’m not the best dancer so I reluctantly took his outstretched hand. 

We found our way to the middle of the dance floor. Surrounded by other loving couples slow dancing, heads resting on shoulders, holding hands, hands slowly sliding down the backs of their partners. 

He took my hand and put it on his shoulder and wrapped the other in his. “Better Together” by Jack Johnson came on and we settled into a rhythm, swaying side to side and singing to each other quietly.

_Mmm, it’s always better when we’re together_

_Yeah, we’ll look at the stars when we’re together_

_Well, it’s always better when we’re together_

_Yeah, it’s always better when we’re together_

I settled into the crook of his neck and he held me a little tighter. He kissed my forehead and placed his head on mine, and we stayed that way for a while, just enjoying each other. It was safe here with him, relaxing.

“XO” by John Mayer came on and I could feel how Jamie's body language changed. 

_Your love is bright as ever_

_Even in the shadows_

_Baby kiss me_

“Claire,” he whispered. I could barely hear him. He lifted his head from mine. 

_Before they turn the lights out_

_Your heart is glowing_

I looked up, our eyes meeting, he licked his lips and leaned in, this time not seeking permission. 

_And I'm crashing into you_

_Baby kiss me, kiss me_

His lips came crashing onto mine, all of the built-up tension from last night exploding in this moment. He pulled my hips into him, making me gasp. His body felt so strong against mine and I could feel how hard he was against my stomach. Our kisses grew more urgent by the second. 

“Maybe we should go.”

_Before they turn the lights out_

_Before they turn the lights out_

_Baby love me lights out_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you think!


	7. Whatever This Is

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jamie and Claire finally get back to his apartment

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you as always for being patient and for all of your lovely comments, I appreciate them so much. Like I said I will be ending this soon but I will come back and do ficlets. 
> 
> Thank you to my betas aussieoutlander and era_r for really helping me out with this one, as always love you guys. 
> 
> As usual, the mood board is posted on my Twitter @rwleispiach

We ran off the dance floor, paid our bill, and quickly made our way to the car.

“Jamie,” I breathed; everything was implied by just saying his name.

“My place is closer, we can go there,” he said, chest heaving.

I realized I had no idea what Jamie’s place looked like; Was it sleek and modern? or was it rustic? I had so many questions, but the only one I wanted to know right now, was where was he going to fuck me. His bed? His couch? The floor? All three?

I couldn’t contain myself and if I was going to be tortured, so was he. I casually reached over the center console and placed my hand on his upper thigh. I let it sit there for a minute before moving north towards his growing bulge.

“Claire, what are ye doing?” He said, breath hitching.

Without saying a word, I leaned over and kissed his neck, still rubbing him over his pants. I traced my tongue across his collarbone, placing countless kisses on his jawline as I moved my way up, relishing the moment when small gasps escaped him.

It didn’t take long to get to his apartment. As soon as his car came to a stop, he grabbed my face and kissed me deeply, pulling me across the center console; I pulled back, biting my lip.

Staring into his steel-blue eyes and let out a sigh.

“Let’s go upstairs,” I said.

He ran to my side of the car and opened the door, always the perfect gentleman. We quickly walked inside an industrial building, an old warehouse that was turned into apartments. The aesthetic of the interior was rustic and warm. it was very cozy and inviting. I just wanted to snuggle up with him on the couch. We passed many of Jamie’s neighbors on our sprint to the elevator. Once inside, we were finally alone. He launched himself at me, pushing me up against the wall, his mouth crashing on mine, sliding his hand up my thigh. We quickly pulled apart as the elevator came to a stop and another couple walked onto the elevator. The elevator stopped, quickly we made ourselves presentable. Another couple walked onto the elevator.

Three more floors

As if sensing our urgency, the couple’s demon spawn decided to press all of the buttons for every floor. The couple apologized for their child’s behavior and we just laughed it off, being the polite people that we are. From in front of me, Jamie was rubbing my thumb, trying to keep both of us calm but the heat growing at my core was becoming too much, pressing my thigh together I tried to relieve some of the pressure but I couldn’t help but imagine what his thumb would feel like elsewhere.

Two more floors

I kept staring straight ahead at Jamie’s back. His nice, strong, muscular back, just asking to be clawed.

One more floor.

His grip was getting tighter on my hand, his palms, sweaty with anticipation

Ding!

We said goodbye to the family on the elevator and rushed to his apartment in a fit of laughter. Once we got to his door, and the key was in, all laughter stopped.

Kissing me deeply while he pulled me into his apartment, kicking the door close.

“Wow,” I gasped, breaking the kiss so that I could look around his apartment. His apartment was so nice with high ceilings, exposed brick walls with floor to ceiling windows, It was very tidy, sexy, and cleaner than mine. I had a few things thrown out of place and would clean every couple of days, but it looked like he cleaned every day. I broke the kiss so that I could look around his apartment. high ceilings, brick walls, with floor to ceiling windows.

His apartment was tidy and sexy. Cleaner than mine, I had a few things thrown out of place and would clean every couple of days but it looked like he cleaned every day.

Jamie let me wander through the apartment. I could feel him walking behind me, his eyes on me, but I refused to turn around. Instead, I accepted the space he was giving me to explore. I found myself at his bookshelf, running my hand along one of the wooden shelves, admiring the span of it. It took up the entire wall. It was filled with first editions, political, historical, and fiction, somehow this man continued to amaze me. running my hand along the shelf.

“I made that myself,” he boasted.

“It’s beautiful!” I said, facing him as a slow song came on over the speakers ( he had one in every room). He placed his phone on the shelf and grabbed my hand, pulling me close; one hand on my lower back the other intertwined in mine, we began swaying to the beat

_Love, I'm craving your kiss_   
_And I catch you just out of reach_   
_But I'm feeling weak_   
_And I can't help this love_

My hand moved from his shoulder to his neck, looking at his face, lost in his big blue eyes; so warm, so inviting, turning darker as moved closer.  
We did slow danced at the lounge, but dancing here in his apartment, in his living room, just the two of us, it felt different. It was magical.

_Don't say a word_   
_Because I have made up my mind_   
_To give in this time_   
_Your touch makes me fall apart_   
_'Cause you have my heart_

He pressed his cheek into my temple, and we stayed like that for a moment.

Our heartbeats syncing, losing ourselves in this moment, where nothing existed outside of our bubble. I closed my eyes and laid my head on his shoulder, nuzzling into his neck.

_Please, just close your eyes_   
_Take a step, take a chance_   
_Get lost in the dance_

He moved his hand from my back; the loss of it making me look up at him. He traced his finger on my jaw, stopping at my chin, and raised my face as he closed the gap between us, kissing me softly on the lips. Skirting his tongue across my lip, he kissed me again, but deeper this time, his hand falling to my arse. His grip on me tightened as we kissed, backing me into the bookshelf. I let out a whimper. I wanted him badly and the fire in my belly from earlier tonight was returning.

_And hold me easy_   
_In your arms_   
_'Cause you have my heart_

Moving apart from him, I made my way towards the stairs, turning around to watch his expression as I pulled my dress up. He quickly came over, frantically grabbing me, pulling my leg up to his waist. Falling onto the steps as we kissed, licked, and pulled at each other.

Trying to make it to his bedroom, we fumbled up the next five stairs — him pulling my dress over my head, and unbuttoning his shirt. Without words, we decided that the day bed by the window would suffice. He stripped to his underwear, taking in each other’s bodies we took a second to think about what was getting ready to happen.

“Are ye sure ye want to do this?” he asked. My gaze dropped from his eyes down to his fully erect cock, just barely covered by his boxers.

“Yes,” I whispered, as I closed the gap between us, pushing him onto the bed. I straddled him and he immediately flipped us so I was on my back.

“Let me,” he whispered.

_I’ll play the fool_   
_And lean into you_

Shoving his hand between my thighs, I widened them to accommodate him. He slipped his hand into my panties he moaned, “ Christ Claire. Ye’re sae wet,” his accent and his eyes both dark with desire.  
Putting his hand between my legs I understood what he meant. Putting his hand in my panties, “ Christ, Claire.”

“I want you,” I whimpered.

“Be patient, lass,” he whispered against my neck, kissing me as his hand moved slowly to my center.

My brows furrowed, biting my lip; the electrifying sensation of his strong fingers against me was overshadowed by the sensation of two of his fingers being thrust into me.

His fingers moved in circles around my clit, increasing in pressure as the seconds passed.. Eyes closed in ecstasy, I rolled my hips, meeting his every move. As I was about to reach my peak, he stopped, bringing his fingers to his mouth and he licked his fingers clean. So fucking sexy. Slowly, he traced his finger in between my breasts down my stomach and as he reached my panties, he pushed it to the side and thrust his fingers hard inside me again, making my back arch. Leaning up, I tried to kiss him but the sensation of his strong fingers stiffened my body.

_Whatever this is_   
_Whatever we are_   
_You have my heart_

All the way in, all the way out, he repeated the movement over and over again. I felt my core tightening, and he knew I was close. He moved his thumb to my clit and rubbed in tandem with his fingers, pushing me over the edge.

“Jamie, fuck!” I groaned. He pulled his fingers out but kept rubbing me, making my body twitch.

“I need a minute,” I said in between spasms, grabbing his hand.

Planting kisses down my arm and caressing my thigh, he let me come down from my high,, but before long his pelvis was against mine. He was grinding his hips into me, rubbing his hard cock against my wet pussy. I couldn’t handle the sensation anymore, I wanted to know what he felt like.

“Jamie, please,” I begged.

Spreading my thighs even wider and pressing them into the bed, he thrust his cock over my slit, driving me mad.

“Ja- Jamie!” I exclaimed, playfully hitting his chest.  
He stopped to put a condom on; I sat on my knees, reached my hands out and helped him unroll it down his cock. I then kissed the head and laid back down, opening my thigh in invitation.. He was at my entrance at once, teasing me, putting just the tip in, and pulling back out.

“ Jamie, please!” I whimpered.

Finally, he gave me what I wanted, he pushed his cock inside of me, slowly inch by inch, till he was buried deep within me. I groaned as tears filled my eyes; he was much bigger than I anticipated. Seeing my tears, he stopped to give me a minute to adjust to him.

“Are ye okay?” he asked, as he stroked my cheek.

“ Yes, keep going,” I breathed.

_Whatever this is_   
_Whatever we are_   
_You have my heart_

He thrust in and out, deeper and deeper, until it was almost too much, and the line between pleasure and pain blurred. His mouth, crashing down on me in a frenzy of kissing and we moaned into each other’s mouths. I put my hands on his back and pulled him closer, I needed to feel his entire body.

His pace slowed, his hips still moving, but in circles slowly, making my eyes close, giving me time to catch my breath. He lay on his forearms, allowing me to feel some of his weight, as he kissed down my neck.

Finally able to open my eyes, I looked up at him, his eyes still a dark and stormy shade of blue.

“I feel like God himself when I’m inside ye,” he whispered. I couldn’t hold back my laughter.

“Please tell me you’re joking!” I said with tears in my eyes, still laughing at his ridiculous statement.

“Are ye laughing at me?” he questioned.

“Yes, I most certainly am.”

“And ye’ll get what ye deserve,” he said, thrusting forcefully back into me, making me whimper.

“Wait, let me turn over,” I said, flipping onto my knees. With my arse in the air, my legs spread, he had the perfect view of my arse.

He let out a low growl and slapped my arse, making me wince. Quickly thumbing my entrance, he slid in with ease.

“Fuck,” we moaned together. He draped his body over mine, moving his hips in a frenzy, pushing deeper and deeper, hitting that spot, making my chest fall to the bed.

“ More,” I sighed.

With his hand gripping my hips a little tighter, he complied, and every thrust was that much deeper.

Trying to make this feeling last longer, I bit down on my finger, until his hand found its way to my clit, and immediately I came undone.

He felt me come, sighed, and began to slow down— but I begged him to continue.

“Fuck, Jamie, don’t stop!”  
He increased his speed again, but he was close, I could feel it. His thrusts became more violent, and I accepted everyone with pleasure, till he too, found his release, slamming into me with each quake of his body. He kissed down my back, and then rolled on to his side, quickly pulling the condom off before bringing me with him.

“Wow,” I said breathlessly as I snuggled into him.

“Ye’re amazing, Claire,” He laughed breathlessly, kissing me on the forehead, pulling me even closer.

Planting gentle kisses on his chest, I began thinking about this, us, how it would feel waking up to him shirtless, an arm or a leg draped over me. I imagined falling asleep in his arms, much like the way we lay at that moment, and I wanted whatever this was going to turn into.

As I melted against the heat of his body, I kept replaying the lyrics to the song we danced to in my head, how our bodies moved in sync, my head resting on his shoulder and his on mine. The comfort of that moment, much like what I was experiencing now brought a smile to my face. I snuggled closer to him, inhaling his scent, our scent, reveling in the fact that he was finally mine, until sleep finally took me.

_Whatever this is_   
_Whatever we are_   
_You have my heart_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you reading!

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! I hope you enjoyed it!


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